Joy Ray

Travoltas Mutter, and other mysteries

Being in a blogging frame of mind today, I would like to share my favorite chapter in a German textbook I once used.  It addresses, of course, the mysteries of John Travolta.  Note the Pynchonesque symbology utilized on the cover page.  What are we to make of this?

 

This is followed by an equally intriguing diagram that seems to outline some kind of clandestine cabal led by Travolta's mother, involving Reagan, Superman, Germany and Englewood New Jersey.  This can't be good!

 

Finally, a selection of doubtlessly coded phrases are provided, which if spoken in a precise order may persuade Travolta to share his hard-won secrets.

(Thanks to Mark Case, for mentioning "John Travolta" and "book" in the same Facebook post today and reminding me of this cherished tome.)

Calories on menus: an idea whose time has come

We went to an AMC Movie Theater tonight and saw something that I have never before seen - when we went up to purchase treats, the calories of each item were shown on the menu.

Here's what it looked like:

 

I have to say: THIS IS AN AWESOME IDEA.  It totally works, in terms of behavior modification.  When we first walked up, Jay said, “Hey, that mini pizza looks pretty good.”  Well, not when you see that it has almost 800 calories.    I was thinking: I don’t want to eat that fatty movie theater popcorn.  I’ll get something healthier, like a pretzel.  But as you can see, 1 “gourmet pretzel” has more calories than a medium popcorn!!  So, like usual, we split a diet coke and a medium popcorn, which according to the menu was a mere 220 calories each. 

Health just feels different, right?

Anyway, kudos to AMC.  And all chain/fast food restaurants should start doing this.  It’s very hard to order ‘naughty’ stuff when you can see the cold hard facts right in front of you. 

Like – who would ever order ‘movie nachos’ again, knowing it has almost 1400 calories??  Ick...

Great Movies You've Probably Never Seen

Whatever my top 5 movies of all time might be, chances are you've seen them. But chances are you probably haven't seen these movies. So do yourself a favor and check them out.

EUROTRIP

Yes, I know it looks horrible. It looks like a movie you'd hate. There's nobody famous in it except Michelle Trachtenberg. You've never heard of the director. You hated Road Trip and Beer Fest and the entire genre of drunk-kids-partying-stupidly.

BUT WAIT!!! This movie has absolutely nothing in common with the genre it so closely resembles. There are funny scenes galore, a kick-ass euro-punk soundtrack (ca plaine pour moi!), a catchy and yet devastatingly cringe-worthy theme song ("Scotty Doesn't Know"), brilliant usage of a David Hasselhoff music video, and probably the best uncredited cameo (Matt Damon) of all time.

AMERICA'S SWEETHEARTS

We just saw this the other night again, for free on NetFlix streaming. It's a little dated now, I'll be honest - but it's also sweet and sharp and very well-written. And there is a simply delicious enjoyment that comes from seeing Catherine Zeta-Jones play a bitchy self-obsessed movie star - when you know that's probably exactly how she is in real life. And see Julia Roberts play her harassed sister/personal assistant - when you know that she is probably even MORE like CZJ's character in real life. Plus funny performances from Billy Crystal, Hank Azaria, Christopher Walken, etc.

THE MAN WHO KNEW TOO LITTLE

This is one of those movies that's only kinda funny the first time you watch it. But by the fifth time, you will understand that it is some of Bill Murray's finest, funniest, most subtle work of all time. He plays a goofy American who gets caught up in a British spy caper by accident, and never realizes it the entire time.

Hope you enjoy. Let me know what you think. And more to come as I think of them....

The Deer Hunter: primed for a re-make?

 

I don’t know how I managed to make it to 2009 without seeing The Deer Hunter.  Last night I finally got around to it.  It turns out that The Deer Hunter isn’t really about deer hunting, or even war.  It’s actually a movie about Russian roulette.  Who knew?  In fact, according to Wikipedia, the original script was about some guys who get caught up in the 'underground Russian roulette scene' in Vegas.  Director Michael Cimino (who just a few short years later would become a Hollywood punchline thanks to Heaven’s Gate) plugged the idea into his script concept about some steelworkers who go to Viet Nam, and The Deer Hunter was born.  I suspect that the movie's success (it won about 500 Oscars) was due in part to the fact that it helped Americans understand why cousin Jimmy has been shuffling around like a zombie since he came back from Nam: Russian roulette is messed up, dude.

Anyway, watching the movie, one question kept running through my mind: what would The Deer Hunter look like in the hands of a modern director?   Here are some things I would bet on. 

1. The first scene wouldn’t show the guys getting off work at the steel mill and drinking at a bar.  It would show them – call me crazy! – deer hunting.
2. It would not take 45 minutes to establish that our three protagonists are carefree and outgoing members of a tightly-knit community.  It would take 5 minutes.  10, tops.  It would not feel like a documentary on Russian Orthodox weddings circa 1969.
3. Some currently perfunctory scenes would be fully exploited for dramatic effect.  For instance, when the boys escape from their POW camp, they are receiving medical attention by the time night falls.  A remake would milk this escape, a la Rescue Dawn.
4. The camera work and soundtrack are polished but keep the viewer at arm’s length, like looking through a window.  You never truly get inside the characters’ heads.  Modern directors would never make that choice.  Imagine Russian roulette in the hands of Guy Ritchie or David Fincher.

And so on.  Just to mention it may be a travesty, a slap in the face to the preciousness of Great Movies…but a new Deer Hunter is a movie I’d really like to see.

The true puppetmaster is....Seth Rogan?

Last night we watched Zack and Miri Make a Porno, which was pretty good.  Really raunchy, but  sweet and funny.  It stars Seth Rogan and Elizabeth Banks, and I think that it just might be my favorite Kevin Smith film to date.

 

Up until now, Seth Rogan has rarely crossed my mind.  We refer to him around the house as "the guy who talks like Cookie Monster."  I sometimes get him confused with this guy:

 

This guy is, in fact, Jonah Hill - and I think he's funnier and less vocally absurd than Seth Rogan, who is this guy:

Like Paul Giamatti in Sideways, Seth Rogan is also one of my pet peeves for movies that cast really hot chicks dating fat hairy guys.  Zack and Miri is an example of such casting (although the backstory does a decent job of making it plausible).  Knocked Up is another example, more egregious. 

Anyway, after the movie ended, we wanted MORE!!!!  And the only other movie we had lying around from Netflix was The Deerhunter.  So...instead we watched the extras of Zack and Miri, which included a "making of" video.  And here's where it gets weird. 

The point of that video, as far as we could tell, is that Seth Rogan actually controls Hollywood. Some of the evidence:

• He ad-libbed significant aspects of the dialogue, originally written by his director/screenwriter Kevin Smith.  And Kevin Smith appeared to believe that Seth Rogan's improv-ing was an improv-ment over the original dialogue.
• Kevin Smith and his producer "consulted" with Seth as to how to cast the other roles in the movie.  Seth's buddies got hired.  They all speak as if they were in Seth Rogan's movie, not Kevin Smith's movie.
• Seth Rogan also "consulted" on who the star of Knocked Up would be (ultimately, Katharine Blechhh Hiegl).  He is the kingmaker over the careers of young starlets, apparently.

And so on.  Who is this Seth Rogan?  And how did he get so important? And why, why, why, does he talk like Cookie Monster?

The mind reels.